July 16th -4 Days to Execution
July 16th 2011 5:47am
“Welcome To My Nightmare…Tales from A Dead Man”
John 16:33 – “These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation, but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”
Well howdy folks, its live from Death Watch and only a mere few days from my very own execution. My spirits are high and that ole verse above has fueled this Texan’s morning…I simply flipped open my Bible this morning in hopes of a bit of guidance and that is what I was hit with, it’s been that way for several days as if its speaking. Sure does make a man look deeper within himself.
This week has again flown by faster than I’d liked it to but the events were so very well worth it. I don’t even know where to start in this blog today but I felt I must spend a few moments with this typewriter to place all of my thoughts on paper before the new week begins.
I have been here 9 ½ years and have watched well over 200 people take this final journey of death and I’ve often wondered how it would be and what would be soaring through my mind and heart…would I be a bitter man? Would I be a frightened man trying to pretend that I’m not? Many thoughts have crossed my mind over the years; never did I think it would be this way.
This journey has changed me, it has taught me life’s lessons, it has brought me together with so many beautiful people from all walks of life from countries all over the world. Even though I sit here on Texas’ Death Watch with days to live I know without doubt that I am the luckiest man in the world. Some people will search their whole lives for the answer of why we are here and I will say this Texas Loud & Texas Proud, I’ve discovered the answer…my very own kingdom of peace, forgiveness, true love, and friendship.
My childhood friend just wrote me a letter, she will also be at my execution on the 20th, and she said something very powerful that I have to share because it sticks out…she wrote a beautiful letter with many inspiring things in it but this particular statement has to be shared with all…”Passing judgment gets you nowhere in life except maybe alone.” That is some real stuff that we all must use daily.
It’s now 7:00am…we are still on lockdown, the feeding of Johnny sacks continues, and the end is nowhere in sight. This is the very first time I’ve not had to torture myself by eating stale smashed up items tossed in a sack…unfit for human’s all together. Another issue I must address to the world which concerns the mail is this: the outgoing mail ladies of this building are doing the best they can and are actually getting the outgoing mail processed well…the incoming mail…that’s the problem. Just last night I received mail from June 8th & 9th and it was sent from Texas…I’ve also just received tons of letters from all over the world that are 18 – 19 days old…so if you are reading this blog and have sent me mail I’ve probably just received it…or perhaps not because I’m still missing several letters with photos.
If for some reason I’m allowed to live and have received your mail I give you my word that I will respond as soon as possible…if I get a chance to live I will probably be out of service for a few days trying to regroup my senses & pull in my sanity…Yep, this is a surreal fast riding machine that I’m on. Do I believe I’m to live? I’m not sure but I’m ready to strap down and ride this one out in style.
The last two days I’ve had special visits with Laura…my Rebel Spice…she has flown in from England again and is here in that best friend role…totally awesome and leaves me speechless. Laura, thank you so very much for all you do. I’ve really enjoyed the visits and everything…Love you.
Melanie…Suzy…Patrick, thank you for the “Wonders of the World”! It reached me safely this week…Ich Liebe Dich.
I want to thank each and every one of you out there who has stepped into my life when the dark clouds rolled in…please forgive me for not mentioning everyone by name. Also let me say this, I’ve been receiving lots of messages via snail mail that many people are sending to this site and I’m touched by all the support and have been amazed by the people from my free life that are sending kind regards…such as Mike & Sharon…I’m pleased that the granite countertops & bar I installed in your home many years ago is still looking great, if I get a stay I’d sure like some photos of my handiwork. I miss y’all! Again, let me thank everyone of you who have sent in kind words.
I’ve also received some pretty cool hate mail and that fuels me more than ya know…it shows me that the world is full of idiots and makes me all the more want to strive for a better tomorrow…to become a better man…more like me, less like them. I also want to address an issue that’s been brought to my attention, it would seem there’s a few of you out there that are offended by the way I write my blogs…the way I close them out as “Unbroken” & “True American”…
The “Unbroken” is just what I am, unbroken by the chains that hold me or by these conditions I dwell in…or for the looming execution…I’m very unbroken and there’s a few of you that think I should be…ain’t happening….ever! Also a few of you don’t agree with my “True American” statement, and again…that’s rather simple…the ones that really know me know that even though I’ve done some bad things in life I’m man enough to admit them and apologize and nothing in life can take my American pride from me…not death, not execution…NOTHING!
Mrs. Patel, Mrs. Hasan, & Rais…I’m once again grateful for the heartfelt words and forgiveness you have given me…you are all True Americans and I hope you and all your loved ones will forever live in peace and harmony.
Still Unbroken…Loud & Proud…
True American til the muther *&%#$ wheels fall off….