“Waiting patiently, looking deep within myself”

“Death Blog” Texas-the-Lone-Star-State
June 19th, 2011 5:07am
“Welcome to my Nightmare…Tales From a Dead Man”
“Waiting patiently, looking deep within myself”
Good morning to each and every one of you out in the great big world. This Sunday morning has started out in the normal fashion, minus my neighbor that is because he was killed by the State of Texas June 16, 2011. May your soul be able to view the sunsets and sunrises as you once loved to watch here on earth. For all the ones who knew Lee (Tiny) Taylor, he left this place a better man and with his head held high, he had also released all the inner hate that was embedded into him as a youth. This man functioned well with all humans regardless of the color of their skin or their beliefs…it was a great honor to share his final days with him.
I had a very busy week, not only was I blessed with two days of legal visits ( I thank you Annie from Reprieve, you are awesome!) but I also was very blessed with two days of special visits. These remarkable souls have traveled all the way from beautiful Germany and are forever etched into my mind and my soul has been awoken. I believe in fate & destiny and in life we do have certain people that without a doubt are soul connected to one another….it’s a wonderful feeling and I hope each one of you are able to find that peace and beauty in this journey we call life. Even though I sit in this cell alone I have company and all I must do is close my eyes and they are there and what a comforting feeling that is. (Suzy & Patrick….Ichliebe dich).
I also have to again address a certain issue that is still an ongoing problem and that is the mail. It would seem that half the problem is resolved and that’s the processing of the out going mail, they have gone the extra mile to do what they can (thank you mail ladies) but the problem is still with the incoming mail it would seem. Lots of mail is still not reaching me and others back here on Death Watch and I’m not sure if it’s by design or neglect and it caused me to really question everything. It’s easy to sit in this box of death and run many different scenarios through ones mind but one thing for sure the Captain of Death Row who is looking into this problem is now aware of the missing mail problem because just this past week he brought some of it to my cell. Still many letters and news stories are missing.
We have another execution set for this week, on the 21st and I can hear that man up in his cell singing along to something on the radio without a care in the world. That’s the strength and power that comes from within when one has loved ones and supporters working non-stop to ensure you are cared about and to let you know that people are fighting for you, it gives you a sense of overwhelming energy & pride. This death ride is more than it would seem to be and if you are able to open your mind you can see the beauty that comes from something so damn ugly…and that’s the way humans pull together in such drastic times. If the whole world could catch on what a beautiful planet this would be.
I wish I could list each and every person that’s effecting my life at the moment, I wish I could personally thank each and every kind soul who has left a message, sent a card, or is behind the scene fighting for me, but sure enough if I tried I’d fail to mention someone and that would cause me deep sadness and hurt the one I forgot to mention so this is a “shout out” to all of you out there who know me, who are thinking of me, helping me and have vowed to never give up…..I’m honored and this ride of death has truly changed me and I believe its part of the Master’s plan. Thank you all.
I must mention another special set of people though and that’s Rebel Spice, Linny Meakins, and Madge… the DavidCattermole band of Devon, England, the band Stray and an awesome guitarist named Keji from the band Simply Red, who are helping out with this venture……I thank you all for the song and for everything you are trying to do with this tour. What an honor it is for me….putting the world to rights is absolutely kick ass……Keep on Rockin’!!!!!
If I’m to die July 20, 2011 in Huntsville, Texas, I will be Unbroken and a Free Spirit….Proud…True…and grateful for all!
True American ~
Mark Stroman
2011
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34 Responses to ““Waiting patiently, looking deep within myself””

  1. I am curious. You complain about the mail a lot , did it never occur to you that if you never killed people you could get your mail like “normal folks”? I don’t mean to seem cruel but I get my mail complaint free…..of course I never killed anyone either…Just curious if that ever crosses your mind

    • Patricia Says:

      How cruel your words are Jack. If you read Mark’s blog, you will be aware that he knows what you point out thoroughly. We have all done things that make us wish to turn back the hands of time and undo the damage. Judge not, and you shall not so be judged. There, but for the Grace of God, go us all. Thank you Mark for your honest and humanity – in all senses of the word.
      Patricia

      • Gewitterfee Says:

        Hallo Patricia,
        I think you overlooked Jack´s “I don´t mean to be cruel”. I do consider his words just a question and indeed wouldn´t take it as a judgement or intended cruelty.

        What I´m saying now is not concerning Mark because, as you said, he knows about his guilt.
        But in some texts written by death row inmates (on the net or in papers or wherever) you really often see complaints about how they are treated and less or no words about what they did.

        I understand that being treated badly and being threatened by an execution leads some of the inmates to completely focussing on their own distressed condition, and besides, expressing their remorse often leads to bad words from the proponents too, as well as not expressing remorse at all.

        But I also understand that people feeling with relatives of victims feel, let´s say, irritated by that because they think “and what about the suffering of the victims and their families”.

        I hope you and the others don´t misunderstand me. I just want to try to awake a little understanding for the other side. Not all of the proponents (and surely not Jack) are stupid or have a rotten character, but just another point of view.
        I think this world would already be much better if people with contrary opinions could discuss them without one or both sides attacking the other one and depreciating the other ones. Disdain helps no one while a little bit of empathy does very much.

  2. Linny Meakins Says:

    Jack, not meaning to seem cruel but do you only read Marks words and have already formed your opinion before you have read them, or worse still have a hate filled mind set and big ego of your own, so are unable to open your mind to the possibility that people can become better people. All people, including yourself I bet, make mistakes, some more catastrophic than others through situations that lead them there. Their ‘cross to bear’ is that they then have to live with those mistakes always…Mark has not spent one day since, that he does not think of the dreadful mistakes he made and the pain that caused to the 4 families lives it has torn, including his own. In his connection with people who have given him a chance to prove his worth, he has tried and succeeded to give something back to this world. I will give you an example, my old Mum. She was suffering for several years with severe depression due to the loss of my Dad. She was unable to cope with life and had to go into a ‘care home’ her wheels had well and truly fell off, bless her. Her carer suggested she wrote to the same person on Death Row as she was, as he had she said helped her through her fight to beat breast cancer. I was at first against this as I did not see how a ‘guy like that’.. could help her. But she wanted to and I quietly monitored the situation. I read some of Marks letters to her, I could not believe it, this ‘guy like that’ was awesome, supporting her with sound practical advice, compassion and love. He has inspired her over the past nearly 3 yrs and his twice weekly letters, so much so that about 4 weeks ago, she finally moved back into her own little home once more. We, her family, are eternally grateful to Mark Stroman for this. He would be welcome to sit at our table anytime. We think of him as part of our family. Rather than kill this unique human being, if his sentence was commuted to life imprisonment Mark could have a valuable role as a Councillor for ‘young offenders’ and because of his persona, communication ability and experiences, his would be a powerful and effective message for reform. Jack, you mention your post is never late mate, I am guessing that with an I.Q such as yours, you possibly deliver it?……..

  3. i doubt that anyone who reads Marks words hasn’t got him in their prayers and their fingers crossed that he will still be blogging at the end of july ,Jacks entitled to his say whether we agree or not but what an insult to all the postal workers of the world including the one who delivers your mothers 2 letters a week !!!

  4. Gewitterfee Says:

    ….and doesn´t it never occur to you, Jack, that especially now, awaiting execution, a human being needs the support of others more than ever? (And quickly delivered, too, as he doesn´t have that much time as you have…?)

  5. @ Jack…Gewitterfee states that Mark does not have as much time as you have, I am not so sure about that. I believe in karma, what goes around…comes around. I believe that the seed you sow, so shall shell you reap. You remind me very much of my neighbor across the street from me. His heart was black, filled with hate, ignorance, bitterness, and he had no friends. When he died last week after being stung by a wasp and being transported to the hospital by ambulance, no one came to see his wife, bring covered dishes, no flowers were delivered, she is left with no friends as he kept her dominated. This evil man was left to the county even though he had lots of money, his house was paid off, had 3 nice cars but he refused to teach his wife to drive as she might become independent and think for herself. Where as Mark sends out letters, messages and his visitors with words of love, concern, prayers, laughter, sincereness, and makes them feel loved, and very appreciated. The love and happiness he gives them is coming back to him by the thousands! The hate you share with others on this site will come back to you like the scum of sewerage. You are what you think so I will try not to think about how hatefilled you are so as not to affect my mind with your ignorance, etc. I feel sorry for you living in so much self-serving repugnance, hatred, and jealousy for Mark who receives all the empathy, love, devotion and concern from his loved ones and friends because of the karma and good vibes he remits to us. I applaud you all for your empathy, and; as for my tone in this message…please forgive! I will not step down to Jack’s level again. Mark, you stay Texas Loud, Texas Proud, Un-Broken, standing tall and Proud and thank you Mark for all you have done for your loving friends. We are here for you as well as your legal team, Clive (Founder) and so many members of Reprieve, C.U.R.E., Amnesty.com, Abolish.com, etc., etc. God loves you and forgives his children who ask for it, hopefully Jack will say a sincere prayer for his evil hearted, selfish, egoism that he may one day become half the man that Mark is before it is too late… as it was for my neighbor.
    From your Proud American-Texan Friend Always, Annette

  6. have i lost the plot on this site,jack made a simple statement,i don’t agree with it personally ,mark has lost so many things slowing down his mail is cruel but how the hell can you call jack evil hearted and make those remarks if you are a decent non judgemental human being !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! could someone help annette out of the gutter

  7. Gewitterfee Says:

    @Annette, I hope you are right that Mark has more time on this earth than it now seems. It´s just that it´s Texas Death Watch and at least you have to see the possibility that there is not as much time as for someone in the free world (….unless he or she is seriously ill).

    I absolutely agree with the contents of your words about Mark but I also agree with jodiac that your tone is not ok, neither against Jack nor against John. I criticize them too, but one should try to keep friendly though.

    As the pro DP sites have been mentioned sometimes here, I once read on off2dr and seldom I have seen such a combination of hate and an absolute kindergarten level….at first I thought I wasn´t in a pro DP forum but in one for….Tourettes Anonymous or something like that. Discussing the death penalty is always a matter of style and, like Mark made his mistakes, the DP proponents make theirs too which should lead the opponents to reply friendly and not on an off2dr level (which is indeed worse that Jack´s question).

    I´ve always been a little proud that most postings against death penalty have been in a good manner and I´ve always been wondering that the proponents don´t seem to be able to discuss without using an absolute low level. Would be fine to be able to be proud about the opponents in future too.
    Okay? 😉

  8. gewitterfee you are wonderful you make me smile your words ring so true you have common sense by the bucketfull ,jack can’t be condemmed for what he said because it is indeed true Mark put himself there my penpal at Ellis is serving life for capital murder and he is lucky he is not on death row,what Jack doesn’t say about is the ability to change to turn your life around to regret what youv’e done and move forward in a positive way,the anger should be directed at the lawmakers who allow the death penalty who don’t believe that people are redeemable who give them no chance who believe that because someone has killed they can do the same to them the death penaly itself is just too cruel

  9. Linny Meakins Says:

    You are right of course Jodac, it’s the death penalty that we should be using our energy in fighting against not random uninformed, people.I am sure if given full facts of a situation the majority of people could make a more accurate decision of how they personally feel about it. I apologise for my remark too about postal workers, totally uncalled for. I actually have a dear friend who is our postlady and has been wonderful to my old Mum. Respect to Marks friends and supporters.

  10. thanks Linny respect to you too for being so gracious,as word comes through that Marks appeal has been denied lets keep our focus on him

  11. Gewitterfee Says:

    And Mark, I have a completely different off-topic…..;-)
    Learning a bit German these days? 😉

    “Ich liebe dich” is singular; if you address only one person.
    If you want to address the two of your German visitors, it´s
    “Ich liebe euch”.
    In German, it´s not the same like in English where you always say “I love you”. 😉

    Regards from Germany which today has the second day of a short heat wave….but this evening already they announced thunderstorms bringing cooler weather.

  12. mark always here for u much love hugs misty thinking of u

  13. Linny Meakins Says:

    Devastated to hear of Rais action being denied. So sad for both Mark and Rais. BUT!!! I know neither will give up nor will Reprieve who have been wonderful working 24/7 to try to help Mark. Nor will I, as I said to Mark, “I will fight for you till the ‘Muther F—kin Wheels Fall Off’ an (old biker saying) and how we often close out our letters. : ) Everyone please stay POSITIVE! I am a great believer in the power of positive energy, collectively you can magnetise good and unfortunately bad situations to happen, look how wars start between Nations, this is the power of the collective negative ego…. In this case, ego means false made self. Read the works of Eckhart Tolle and The power of Now, life changing for me and has helped me survive several ‘life situations’. Sorry I’m rambling on, my respects to you all and my love to each and every one of Mark’s friends. Linny x

  14. Gewitterfee Says:

    On one side maybe to be expected, that denial – it´s Texas.
    On the other hand astonishing too.
    How often did the DP proponents say “the opponents don´t care about the victims” – and what do the proponents do now, exactly, – as the victims do NOT want this execution to take place? They don´t think of the victims´ will, I would say…..

    Wishing you all the best though, Mark!

  15. wturner Says:

    Does anyone know of other blogs from current Texas Death Row Inmates out there besides T. Whittaker?

  16. ty linny positive thoughts xoxox to u mark praying for u and with u

  17. Gewitterfee Says:

    Hi Mark,

    as I just read on the http://www., Amnesty International Germany has started an urgent action on your behalf, too….

    There are many people who are standing at your side, whatever this all may lead to!

    Wish you strength and keep your head up….
    “Stressed – it´s just dessert spelt backwards, so keep on smiling!”

  18. KiwiGal Says:

    Actually Gewitterfee, ONE of his victims doesn’t want him executed -the other 2 are dead so we can’t ask them so your point is moot.

    • Gewitterfee Says:

      Just read in another thread of your pro DP forum that the relatives of a killed baby were said to be victims.
      So, if they are pro DP, they are, and if they are against it, they are not?
      Evil tongues would call people arguing like that Pharisees….
      but I do have a tendency to see good in all people and not to assume the worst so I´d like to think you didn´t notice that double-dealing of your posting….
      and one more reason why my argument is very well valid and no moot at all. 😉

  19. Gewitterfee Says:

    And if you read the sites of Mr. Bhuiyan properly, you see that according to him the widows of the two other victims don´t want the execution, either, KiwiGal.
    And they are the two more surviving victims (not only the dead ones have been suffering but the relatives still are – so you can call them victims too).

    So my point is absolutely okay, if you like it or not. 😉

    Besides, if you can´t ask the victims anymore, you don´t know that they would have wanted the execution either. So IF you refuse this point, it´s not an argument pro DP either. 😉

    • Hopfully will be time for one more letter to reach yoy Mark as things stand, will be sent sat morning. Otherwise will keep putting things on here and hope it gets through to you.

      if your looking deep within then make sure its for strength and not retrospect. Don’t let the bad vibe merchants get to you, but I suppose they are per for the cource my friend

      got me printer fixed so hopfully will be a better letter. Love Clive, Gina, Sam and George

  20. wturner…tony medina and rob will have blogs just google them

  21. Is that Kiwigal from the pro death penalty site????????? Bless her !!!!

  22. Gewitterfee Says:

    I found another interesting link; I hope it works when I´m typing it now…

    http://www.amnestyusa.org/our-work/issues/death-penalty/us-scheduled-executions/rais-bhuyan-on-the-death-penalty-facebook-chat-transcript

    Take notice of the sentence “! have received hate mail”.

    I understand that one can have another point of view on the death penalty than I have. I don´t think it´s right, but I do understand one can feel differently.

    But sending hate mail to a VICTIM is absolutely not acceptable. It gives me the impression that the victims (whom we opponents are said not to think about) only are means to reach the aim of the proponents. As personalities, they don´t seem to be of any interest.
    The proponents have a right to have another opinion than Mr. Bhuiyan has. But I just wonder how dare some of them to send any hate mail to HIM.

    A question by the way….
    I once read that in one case, victims´ relatives were forbidden to tell the jury in the trial that they didn´t want a death sentence.
    Does anyone know if that is true?
    (Might, of course, be an exception as Mr. Bhuiyan does tell his opinion in the public and is obviously allowed to.)

  23. Kiwigal Says:

    Yes, it is me, thank you for the blessing, even if it was with tongue in cheek 🙂

    It is very noble of the widows to oppose the execution. I stated only that the Victims were unavailable to ask. Which remains undisputed I presume?

    It had nothing to do with the feelings of anyone involved, it was a mere statement of fact. I’m sorry if you confuse that with how you feel about it Gewitterfee. I didn’t say I didn’t like your point, I only pointed out was not relevant. I don’t care one way or the other about the point.

    It’s a good thing that the very large majority of the people here on this site are intelligent people who are well reasoned and feel the way they feel because its right for them (I do respect that). If you are to save Mark he will need these steady people and facts.

    I’ve seen you make some pretty inflammatory posts Gewitterfee, especially racially, and taking some backlash from other members here.

    Taking a leaf from the book of the more erudite members would probably get you further and a lot more respect.

    I’d be happy to discuss our opposing views with you in a dignified manner, if you are capable of more couth then last time we spoke.

  24. Gewitterfee Says:

    Obviously you mistake my postings for yours, KiwiGal.
    Reacting on your defamations is really under my level.
    I don´t have to excuse for of be ashamed of anything I´ve written as there never was anything racial or attacking others on the personal level.

    It´s a pity but I do think your style better fits on off2dr.

  25. Gewitterfee Says:

    ….or do you mistake me for someone else? Doesn´t “you´ve taken some backlash from the other members” mean “you were criticized by them” or something like that?
    Till now, I´ve never had the feeling that the others around here did anything like that – unless, of course, I didn´t understand any postings right. Might of course be possible as my English isn´t perfect…..

    Just if THAT is the case and you didn´t mean me with the reproach of “racial” postings (really: ??????) and “inflammatory posts” (also: ????? I DO daresay I´m trying to stay objective and to mediate where the tone gets rough!), I will of course answer to you.

    Yes, certainly it´s undisputed that the two dead victims can´t be asked anymore and so I don´t confuse anything just with my own feelings. I just meant to explain why I was talking of “victims” in the plural.
    With reference to any murdered person, you are always moving on the field of mere speculation. Even if those persons, in their lifetime, said they were proponents of death penalty – how do you know if they still are – if faith is right and they still exist (what I believe)? Of course, this leads to a speculative off topic now, but shortly said: I´ve been busy reading a lot about near-death experiences in my life. And those people who have had such experiences said they had a retrospect on their whole life and saw themselves able to understand everything – and to forgive everything, so they also might have changed their minds, too.
    Of course, you can only ASK surviving persons or relatives and friends, that´s clear.

  26. your welcome kiwigal i think one day you just might need it. I think you are confusing gewitterfee with someone else there is definately nothing racist about gewitterfee nor uncouth you need to head to off2dr for that

  27. Linny Meakins Says:

    Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion in life, and the Death Penalty is obviously a subject people are divided on and speak passionately about. I think though Kiwigal , that at this point in Marks life, with the pressure he must be under to just get through each day, and remain positive and calm, that this particular blog where us, his real friends get together to send him our love, well wishes and support, and to support each other at this time of ‘incredible fear’ for us of losing him, I think the time has been and gone for discussing the fors and againsts of the death penalty on here. Please Kiwigal I would respectfully ask you use the other forums that you frequent regulary for this. I am also going to ask you something personal, I would not usually be so unkind to do it publically, but you are on here now so I will and I want you to answer truthfully, not so importantly to me, but within, to yourself! “Are you a happy person inside ?, are you a kind person that on a daily basis you can say, today I helped some random human being I came in contact with for no other reason than I ‘wanted’ to help them. Or as I suspect, are you a unhappy person, a frustrated person, that’s ‘ego’ (inner self) always needs to feel better than your colleague or your neighbour? So frustrated that you want to hurt people, I do not mean physically, rather than help them?” …. If that is the case and I genuinely suspect it is, I say this not to hurt you or shame you in anyway, but actually to try and help you. Sometimes it’s good that we take a proper, honest look at our motives for what we do, I have done so myself in the past, and made the change, and felt a better and happier person for it. Please do not think I am verbally attacking you in anyway Kiwigal as I’m not… Mark Stroman has also made that change over the past several years, it does not come over night, our old mind sets and our conditioning through our upbringing and life situation are a bugger to switch off overnight, but Mark is a compassionate, caring and honest human being, who has for several years now made a huge difference to the lives of in his the people who are now his loyal and true friends… That is why the people on here want to protect him….Respect to you Kiwigal but I would ask you to please respect this place now and the group of people on it, by leaving us alone while you find your way to become a better person…

    • For I myself well know the thoughts that I am thinking toward YOU, is the utterence’, ‘thoughts of peace, and not of calamity, to give YOU a future and a hope

  28. tina aka qween Says:

    This is to all that has stood byMark Thank you! I knew him. My name is Tina. I was his girlfriend when this took place.Bless all of us . Of all the words that have been spoken. I believe the word forgiveness is the key. If we all could learn to forgive, we would not have the haters as i have seen since this has begun. Mark has asked forgivness and still know where his fate lies. Without forgiveness you cant have love. Since the beginning of time life has witness love and hate. It’s between Mark and God. God is a loving God. I beleive God has a plan for Mark. I just want to say that I will miss him. And not a day as gone by that he wasnt in my thoughts. I believe that he been forgiven.I will see you on the otherside.

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